The Beginning...

My now deacon husband, Ken, was adamant – “I do NOT want to be a deacon”. He entered formation (lay ministry & deaconate formation were one and the same in our Diocese) for the coursework as he had such a passion to learn all he could about our great Catholic faith. His goal was to finish the coursework and “graduate” to be a “certified lay minister”.

We both studied hard the first 2 years and then I baled on him to pursue my B.S. degree. Ken was pushed to the far reaches of his comfort zone and often beyond. He enjoyed the reading and even the writing of papers – which was not his strongest skill at the time. For nearly four years he pushed himself, worked hard, and struggled to get through every single class required. Despite the struggles, he was very successful in all the coursework including public speaking, homiletic, and Theology.

Ken had been told for 4 years that he had “the heart of a servant” and would make “a fantastic Deacon” by others in formation and our parish community. But he kept pushing back and denying that any of this was true.

At the beginning of his 4^th year, Ken talked to the formation director about how he felt called to become a Deacon. It was received favorably by the director and the board, even though this was not the normal track of a deacon candidate. Once he had told the director of his calling, finally verbalizing to someone else what others had been telling him for years, Ken felt a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. His last year of coursework was surprisingly struggle free and not nearly as difficult for him as in previous years. He had felt God calling him for several years but had refused to listen. He prayed about it and finally allowed the will of God to show him the right path.

Even though my husband had finished all the coursework, we were still required to take the next year as our year of discernment. We continued with our required mentoring group and individual spiritual direction. Ken also started one-on-one training with our parish deacon. He continued to learn and pray and try to hear what God was telling him. We both asked God to take us where we would be needed and useful. 

Two years after he completed his studies, Ken was ordained as a permanent Deacon in the Diocese of Boise (Idaho). His mantra for those two years was “if it is meant to be, it will happen”. He put his faith in God. This is the best advice either of us could give any deacon candidate and his family – put it in God’s hands – pray and trust in His decision.