My now deacon
husband, Ken, was adamant – “I do NOT want to be a deacon”. He entered
formation (lay ministry & deaconate formation were one and the same in our Diocese) for the coursework as he had such a passion to learn all he could
about our great Catholic faith. His goal was to finish the coursework and
“graduate” to be a “certified lay minister”.
We both studied
hard the first 2 years and then I baled on him to pursue my B.S. degree. Ken was pushed to the far reaches of his comfort zone and often beyond. He
enjoyed the reading and even the writing of papers – which was not his
strongest skill at the time. For nearly four years he pushed himself, worked
hard, and struggled to get through every single class required. Despite the
struggles, he was very successful in all the coursework including public
speaking, homiletic, and Theology.
Ken had been
told for 4 years that he had “the heart of a servant” and would make “a
fantastic Deacon” by others in formation and our parish community. But he kept
pushing back and denying that any of this was true.
At the
beginning of his 4th year, Ken talked to the formation director
about how he felt called to become a Deacon. It was received favorably by the
director and the board, even though this was not the normal track of a deacon
candidate. Once he had told the director of his calling, finally verbalizing to
someone else what others had been telling him for years, Ken felt a huge weight
had been lifted from his shoulders. His last year of coursework was surprisingly
struggle free and not nearly as difficult for him as in previous years. He had
felt God calling him for several years but had refused to listen. He prayed about it and finally allowed the will of God to show
him the right path.
Even though my
husband had finished all the coursework, we were still required to take the next
year as our year of discernment. We continued with our required mentoring group
and individual spiritual direction. Ken also started one-on-one training with
our parish deacon. He continued to learn and pray and try to hear what God was
telling him. We both asked God to take us where we would be needed and useful.
Two years
after he completed his studies, Ken was ordained as a permanent Deacon in the
Diocese of Boise (Idaho). His mantra for those two years was “if it is meant to
be, it will happen”. He put his faith in God. This is the best advice either of
us could give any deacon candidate and his family – put it in God’s hands –
pray and trust in His decision.
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